Suffer the sins of the past

I once said that i will never regret anything i have ever done in the past & I held on to those words with pride. I knew that whatever i went through in the past, whatever decision i made, i will always be 100% sure that i did those things with full confidence that i was doing the right thing. That i will look back and say "What i did then, no matter how bad it seems today, was the best decision for me at the time . It's one of the reasons i'm me."

For the first time in my life, i look back and i see that i did do something that i wouldn't be proud of today.

i'm sorry. only you know what it is. look closely. it's gone now.

like a deranged person trying to clean away the excesses of his guilt.
His shame.

I erased mine.

This is nothing.

But i cannot go on knowing that the one thing i regret doing still exists for all people to see,

I'm sorry.

for every ounce of pain this gave you, i give myself ten years of suffering.
for every tear that falls from your eyes because of this, i give myself ten years to make it up to you.

nothing can undo the pain i caused you.
but i will die trying.

forever, i will be by your side.
forever i will show you how nobody else can love me the way you do.
forever, i will show you how special you are. how nothing in this world will ever compare to you.
i will show you how much you mean to me. How much i love you.

Forever.

or i will die trying.